Thinking About Moving to KSA? My Experience and Advice!

 Setting the Stage: What's KSA Really Like?

If you're a reader of my blog, you're either a friend, family member, or someone who was searching to learn about life in Saudi Arabia. Perhaps you're even considering moving here! I know that when I was thinking about coming, I went through a long and complicated decision-making process. It included reading a LOT of articles, travel guides, and --most importantly--blogs!! Blogs, I found, give the "real" on the ground experience of life in KSA. Rather than reading "educated" or "researched" speculations about the country and culture, blogs provide a more realistic perspective that show the good with the bad in a usually more balanced, less biased way than, say, an article about the "poor, oppressed women" in Saudi Arabia.

Do you think I'm oppressed? Think again!

Being here, I find answers and make discoveries about the "REAL" Saudi Arabia every single day. When I was deciding to come, I was scared, nervous, hesitant, and very unsure. Are women really really as oppressed as the Western media makes them out to be? How would it be to be a Christian woman here? What would it be like to cover when it's SO HOT out? (This is, after all, the desert!) What about not being able to drive? Being dependent on my "male guardian"? Not being able to leave the country without my husband's permission? Question after question. 

Moving to Saudi?

The Real Thing: Not What Anyone Told Me!

I was surprised that when I moved here I really didn't experience culture shock. I guess I was over-prepared! Additionally, the things that I thought would be a HUGE deal (for instance, covering) aren't even bothersome, while things that I didn't think I would mind are at times overwhelmingly aggravating (such as not being able to drive. Turns out it's a BIG deal, especially in a city like Jeddah where there is NO semblance of a transportation system. And I'm used to Toronto's amazing TTC / metro).

Advice: should I move?

I was inspired to post this entry when a woman who is part of a Yahoo group in which I'm a member (shout out to "Expats in Saudi Arabia"!) asked the following question:

I'll be moving to SA with my family in about one month. I'm feeling very rotten about not being able to leave unless my "sponsor" gets me an exit visa. Please tell me there is an easy way for me to get out of the country when I want to do so.

I'm 26 years old and single; both my parents got job offers in Riyadh, and since they're still paying for my education, I've got to tag along. I will be living in SA with a dependent visa under one of my parents. My plan is to finish my education, save some money teaching, and leave the first chance I get.

I need to assess whether I should go or not. If it's going to make me a depressed wreck then I have to make some decisions.

I'm U.S Citizen currently living in Malaysia. My parents are Muslim; father is Egyptian. My father already has the whole Arab culture thing going (wear the hijab, don't sit with men), which I've learned to deal with quite well through the years. But a whole country of it, I don't know.

I'd appreciate some input to help me make a decision on what to do.

What's Saudi really like?

Here's my reply.

I saw your question and thought I'd add in my two cents. I'm a Canadian female, 27 years old, and thought we might have similar experiences in KSA given our similar demographic. I live in Jeddah, however, and I'm sure that would make a difference in terms of my notes about daily life.

My husband moved to KSA a few years ago, and last fall I finally decided to join him. Here, even if a woman is on her own visa, she has to have her husband's (or guardian's / father's) permission to leave the country. That REALLY irked me at the beginning, too, and I read a number of stories about daughters / women being "trapped" in KSA because their husbands or fathers had denied them permission to leave. My mother, in particular, was big on warning me that my husband would "trap" me in KSA. She was sure she'd never see me again.

An American friend who lives here and is married to a Saudi gave me the best advice on this concern. She said that as long as you completely trust your husband (in your case your father...) then you shouldn't worry about this regulation. So, do you trust that your father would give you the freedom to come and go? It's not an issue at all to get an exit / re-rentry visa as others have pointed out; the issue is unfortunately our guardian's "permission."

The turning point in my decision to come was based on my friend's advice, which I took. I completely trust my husband, and he has signed for me to travel a couple of times now. It's no issue.

The Things I Wasn't Ready For...

The BIG issues (at least for me) are things I COMPLETELY overlooked and didn't think would matter when I was deciding whether or not to move here. That's to say the things that drive me crazy are the day to day frustrations and inconveniences of being a woman in this country. The biggest thing? I naively thought that not being allowed to drive wouldn't bother me. How wrong I was!! If you're at all like me and enjoy going out, shopping, having the ease of coming and going at your leisure (even to grab some groceries or have a quick coffee with a girlfriend), then this will definitely be an adjustment for you in Saudi. 

The frustration of not being able to drive...

Would you be living on a compound? Or in the city? We live in an apartment in the city, which gives us a nice cultural experience in Jeddah, but it means I don't have the shopping trips on the compound bus, or the collegiality with other women who'd live nearby on the compound. 

This fall we plan to get a driver once we come back from holidays. This was my biggest dissatisfaction so far, and if I could have got out on my own, been able to meet up with friends, and had a general freedom of movement that having a driver would bring, it would have made my first 6 months here a LOT easier. I don't know any Arabic, and my husband isn't comfortable with the idea of me taking cabs alone. There's nothing fun about waiting for an "approved driver" my husband knows for 4 hours in a mall the keeps closing for prayer when I just want to be back home!

The best advice I can give: get a driver!!!! 

Sooo....after all this detail (sorry it's so long lol) I'd say that if you'd be living in a compound, you'd live a pretty "normal" life and have a pool, gym, friends nearby, transportation... and it would probably be just fine. If you'd be living in the city, negotiate with your parents to get a driver. It would make life in Riyadh manageable. Definitely different and a BIG change, but it wouldn't be so bad if you had a way around. Trust me, even if the man in your life (father, husband, brother) says he'd LOVE to drive you around, after a month or so he'll stop enjoying the traffic jams, shopping waiting, and being your chauffeur. 

The Verdict is In!

Overall, Saudi is a unique experience that many Westerners never have. It's definitely something that will contribute to your personality!! I don't regret moving here, and most of the time I'm pretty happy :)

Good luck and all the best in making this big decision! Feel free to ask any other questions...and let me know what you decide!!

Back to You, my Readers...

So...what about you? Are you reading my blog as a way to help you make the decision about whether to move to KSA? Are there any questions you still have that I didn't address? 

from abaya...

to swimsuit!!

Wherever you are, and whatever your situation, have a fun and safe summer...and enjoy the heat!!! For my part, I'm looking forward to some "cool" Toronto weather (i.e. nothing over 30 degrees most of the time!) and some warm evenings. (Here in Jeddah we're lucky if it stays below 40 degrees in the day + humidity. At night, the temperature goes down to only about 25 or 27 degrees. Yikes!!)

DH and I will be flying into Toronto on July 10th. We're looking forward to enjoying a summer sublet in the city. I, for one, await the day I can soak up the sun sans abaya! 

Keep smiling,

Julie :)

Women Driving: The Debate Persists

Manal Al-Sharif: The Struggle for Women Driving Continues
"Susie's Big Adventure," one of the blogs of which I've been an avid follower since I was first researching life in Saudi Arabia, recently posted a link to a riveting video.

Manal Al-Sharif is a young Saudi woman, wife and mother. In June 2011, she got behind the wheel in Al-Kohbar, a city in KSA,and defied the ban on women driving. While she drove, a friend videotaped her, and she later posted her "defiant" actions on YouTube. Soon after, she was arrested and put in jail for a little over a week before finally being released on bail. Here's the video she posted on YouTube before her arrest:

Manal's campaign, "Women2Drive," called for women to get together and drive on June 17, 2011. On that day, over 100 women got behind the wheel. The struggle for women to drive in KSA continues, and earlier this week, Manal spoke at the "Oslo Freedom Forum" in Norway. Most notably, she discusses that

"The struggle is not about driving a car, the struggle is about being in the driver's seat of our destiny." 

How true; it goes so far beyond just driving, although driving is itself a very real issue as the above video makes clear. Here's the link to her 17 minute speech. It's a fascinating call to female empowerment in Saudi Arabia, and provides a really enlightening recent history of Saudi Arabia. I learned so much about why things are the way they are here (especially in regards to extremism, and the situation for women), and how things have evolved so rapidly (and largely positively) from the frightening mentality that began in the 1970s and 80s.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PXXNK-3zQ4&feature=player_embedded

The personal experience: frustrating!!!
Interestingly, just two weeks ago, a friend of mine who grew up here in Saudi posted on my facebook page that a mutual friend "saw a woman driving the other day I swear! I think some women here have [become really defiant] lol I'd be scared of the law!!" It just goes to show how strong the "social norm" here is: men belong behind the wheel--in all aspects of life. Women do not. Did you hear Mahal's words? Extremist thinking about gender segregation means that most not only do restaurants, banks, schools, etc here have separate entrances for men and women; this often extends to our homes! That's an interesting topic for another blog!! :)

In any case, don't get me started on why it's SO wrong that men are in control...especially on the roads. From personal experience, it's more frustrating than I expected that men can drive and women cannot. Firstly, the roads here are crazy. Nuts. Insane. At best, I have white knuckles when we're going anywhere. And my husband is a good driver! At worst, it's absolutely terrifying, and I'm often very anxious sitting in the passenger's seat.

When I was in Kuwait, my friend and I were in a cab going around a roundabout, and she said that driving in Kuwait City is scary. If that's the case, I can't find words enough to describe the effects of 100% testosterone governing Saudi roads. Not to mention that half of the population is under, what, 25 years of age? That puts mostly 6-25 year old guys behind the wheel.

The driving age is WHAT?!?!
That brings up another point. The above age range was NOT a typo! Walahi (meaning, "I swear," in Arabic), IT WASN'T!!!! Manal mentions this in the first video above. Little boys who can barely see over the steering wheel routinely drive here. Even in our building there's a kid who goes out most days in the family SUV. DH and I frequently witness his attempts to park the large vehicle.

Last week we were at IKEA and there was an older woman sitting in the passenger's seat of a giant SUV, and guess what? She was being driven by what looked like her 8 year old grandson. YES! A completely adept, evidently visually and mentally capable woman was taking the figurative back seat to her grandson! Who knows how this is allowed to happen!!

Wasta!! (It's high time I mentioned this one!)
Wasta, my husband says, is the reason for the above question. That's the Arabic word for "connection" or "favour." Basically, if a person in this country--or I think in the Arab world in general?--has a connection to a "higher-up" (a prince, someone who works for the government, or perhaps the traffic police in this case) then the law can't really touch him or his family. He'll get out of anything that might go wrong. So, a mother sending her 8 year old son to pick up some yogurt and tomatoes for her cooking is just fine, so long as her family has wasta!

Back again soon!
Anyways, it's a busy time with the university semester winding down (and my marking piling sky high!), but I realized it was high time for me to blog again. When I saw Susie's post and Manal's talk at the Oslo Freedom Forum, I just had to write something brief on the matter. (Here's the link to Susie's post by the way: http://susiesbigadventure.blogspot.com/2012/05/manal-al-sharif-oslo-freedom-forum-2012.html)

Your Turn!
What do YOU think? Does Manal have a point? Or are we all missing the "luxury" of being chauffered around by our drivers (if we're lucky; I'm not!), husbands, brothers, and 6 year old sons? Let me know what you think in the comments box below. :)

A trip to Kuwait and Social Change in KSA

March Break Travels

Hello my lovely readers! While family and friends in Toronto, Canada have been enjoying a mild spring with temperatures going up to the high 20s (Celsius), it's been consistently 30-35 degrees C here in Jeddah. DH and I had this past week off work and while he continues to study for his GMAT (business school entrance exam that he'll be writing on April 12th), I had the chance to visit some close friends in Kuwait City for 5 days. It was wonderful to get away, but, since Kuwait is MUCH more liberal than Saudi, it was also a bit of a culture shock! It was warm and sunny all week, and we enjoyed checking out a local souk (my first time going to one!), walking along the Persian Gulf (sans abayas and hijab!) and soaking up some sun.

Map of Kuwait

Fun Kuwaiti coasters!

Kuwaiti woman driving.

When I first exited the airport, I was taken aback by the sight of a woman driving past. Yes--she was driving herself!!! Although Kuwait is only a 1.5 hour flight from Jeddah, and is on the north east border of Saudi Arabia, it's a much more "open" country where women can drive, people can dress pretty much as they please, and there is religious freedom. It was nice to walk around in ordinary clothes, and enjoy a Friday night Bible study with friends.

Long walkway along the Persian Gulf. So beautiful! 

The Persian Gulf and Kuwait City skyline

Colourful trinkets at the souk

The beautiful corniche in Salmyia, Kuwait

I'm about to be published!

I'm also writing today with some exciting news! A friend of mine, Shakira Abubakar, founder of Continental Rescue Africa (http://continentalrescueafrica.com/) is compiling a book on youth and social change, and, after being intrigued by reading my blog, she asked me to write an article for it! Before the book is officially published, I'm pleased to give you a sneak peak at my piece. Here it is:

The voices of “soft, gentle women”:

Contemplating social change in Saudi Arabia

Should women be permitted to drive in Saudi Arabia? Last week, I was standing in front of my class and posed this controversial question. Controversial not to those of us from Western cultures, of course, but for young Arab women, this is a highly contested topic. Among the voices that resounded strongly and adamantly in favour of women getting behind the wheel in this ultra-conservative Islamic kingdom, a single voice was heard, quietly affirming her “no.” The week previous, this college class I teach had engaged in an in-class debate about women driving. 

Upon reaching an agreement on the debate topic—the well-to-do 18-25 year old women in my class from Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Turkey, Egypt, Syria, and other Arab countries had selected this topic themselves—nearly all the girls wanted to argue that women should drive. Those appointed to the counterargument were quite distressed, but managed to gather strong evidence (mostly from religious sources) for their case. Although there is no “law” against women taking the wheel, there are strong religious rulings, or fatwas, that oppose it. In June 2011, a woman was arrested in the capital city, Riyadh, for driving. The charge against her, one student demonstrated, was not for being a woman driving, but for “not having a license.” 

Knowing that many of my students did not argue in favour of what they truly thought on the issue, I began the next class with the above question, asking for personal opinions outside their appointed debate stances. Chaos ensued. “Of course women should drive!” the girls proclaimed with passion. In the background, a timid voice resisted the group. The class was shocked. “What?! Women shouldn’t be allowed to drive?” The poor girl who had gone against the crowd! I asked her to explain her feelings on this topic. “Well,” she began, repeating some of her words from the debate (it appeared that her arguments had, in fact, reflected her personal views), “women are soft and gentle. They shouldn’t drive. It’s dangerous. What if her car breaks down? How can she change a tire?” “True,” another piped in, “when we’re wearing our abayas and hijab, it would be difficult…” Now the class was rethinking its stance. No one changed her mind, but the conversation was intriguing. 

Women driving: a religious issue?

In a theocratic country where religion governs society—the Qur’an is the law here—there are voices of resistance. Resistance is complicated, however, by the millions of expatriates, mostly from neighbouring Arab countries, though many from the West, who want change. But Saudi Arabia is not their country—not our country—to transform. Many of the girls in my class, however, were born and raised here, and perhaps their sentiments and desire for change should be heard. In ways different from other countries in the “Arab Spring,” Saudi Arabia is extremely complex. It is influenced by a vast number of foreign nationals, by various extremes in thinking, by tradition, and by a tight, closed society that seems, on first sight, impenetrable to influences from the outside world.

Much of the younger generation before me in lecture each day, however, desperately wants change, freedom, and a voice. But what happens when their voices are dominated by those of more conservative women in the Kingdom (there are, indeed, many women who do not want to drive)? When they are overpowered by traditionalists in authority? No, women driving does not sound controversial to the Western ear, but here in Saudi Arabia, even the girls who argued in favour made careful note of the challenges and obstacles to this happening. They were all concerned for their safety. As modest, respectable Muslim women, every single one of them is taken aback when a man approaches her, makes an unwelcome advance, calls out to her when she is minding her own business, abaya on, hijab tightly wrapped around her head, not a strand of hair showing. No, they do not consider themselves all that conservative, but they do demand respect. Respect, but not submission. Respect, but not disempowerment. Respect, but most definitely not lack of freedom.

Just a dream...?

The challenge here, then, is how the girls—and others in Saudi Arabia—can attain the freedom they seek without sacrificing their deep desire for respect. In a country where, despite the strong tradition that governs every aspect of society, and where things are changing on a daily basis, women driving remains a complex issue, one that is marked by unique challenges, questions, and opposition. We can only watch, and wait to see what will happen when this generation of Saudi women has the chance to make their voices heard.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Julie is a Canadian currently living and working in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. She is interested in making changes and speaking to youth about global poverty, women’s rights, and social action. After completing her master’s degree in English with a special interest in women’s issues, she followed an opportunity to teach—and learn extensively from—Saudi and Arab female university students. When she is not teaching, she enjoys relaxing with a good book, or publishing her cultural observations about Saudi Arabia on her blog, Pink Jeddah Sunset. You can find her at: www.pinkjeddahsunset.blogspot.com.

Your turn to share YOUR thoughts!
So...what do YOU think, readers? Does Saudi Arabia sound like a place so unique and "dangerous" for women that they / we shouldn't be allowed to driver here? Or would it be better for women to challenge this rule, and take their chances against the crazy men on the roads, and risk having to change a tire in our abayas?

Comment below! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this complex topic.

Here comes the sun: summer, women's education, and social change

Warm, lovely sunshine!
As you can see from a recent weather update (below), the temperature is really starting to heat up here in Jeddah! I can still vividly recall getting off the plane at King Abdulaziz International Airport and stepping onto the tarmac back in December. It was about 2am and the air was hot, humid and sticky--a big change from the winter I'd left back in Toronto, Canada! Turns out that that night at about 18 degrees celcius was nothing compared to the heat coming our way!

Summer is approaching!

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the heat, and summer is definitely one of my favourite seasons; however, it can be frustrating with all the lovely, beautiful sunshine and little chance to actually feel it on my skin!!! I used to love lying on the beach, or on the dock at our family cottage soaking up the sunshine. Here, it's sunny every single day (woo hoo!!!) but the downside is that, because every time I'm out I'm wearing an abaya covering nearly every inch of my skin, I'm whiter than I think I have EVER been!!!

Enjoying a patio by the Red Sea

Summer: a time for frozen yogurt!

In any case, I'm taking this with a positive attitude like Sheryl Crow says in "Soak up the Sun" (video below): "It's not having what you want / It's wanting what you've got." I think that's the most productive attitude for anyone who is living in a new country for the first time. It's been my philosophy while I get used to life in Jeddah and it's been working wonders!

TGI...W?
In Canada we used to say "TGIF" (Thank Goodness it's Friday), but here in Saudi Arabia, weekends here are Thursday and Friday (Friday is the Islamic holy day). Since it's the weekend, DH and I spent the afternoon running errands. He was kind enough to drive for an extra 20 or so minutes--in the direction of the sun--so that I could get some sunshine on my arms (I was a rebel and rolled up the arms of my abaya haha). SO AMAZING!!!
We have a break coming up at the end of March, and I'm hoping to get out up to Obhur (a resort town 45 minutes north of Jeddah) and soak up the sun for real on one of the private beaches :) There, there's no dress code (because the beaches are "private") so I could wear even a bikini if I felt so inclined.

A new weekend!

Getting to know the locals...

What's so far been most fascinating about my time here is all I've been learning from new friends, from experiences around the city, and  from people I've met in my line of work. I've had the opportunity to get to know many young women, many of whom are either Saudi citizens, or were born and have grown up here. All are young Arab women, and it's been intriguing getting to know them, their stories, and their experiences of a country that most of us in the West truly know so little about.

Here are some "notables" I've picked up from various sources.

(1) Friends:
S introduced me to a couple of her friends, and they're both fun, intelligent women. One is British and married to a Saudi, and the other, A, is Saudi, with an American mother and Saudi father (here, the child always takes, without exception, the father's nationality. If a Saudi woman married an American, for instance, their children would not be Saudi). So "A" and I were being dropped home by S's driver one evening and started talking about grocery shopping here in Jeddah. I mentioned that it feels weird to me that when the grocery guy and DH are bagging the food, they look at me funny when I attempt to help. Same goes for unloading the groceries into the trunk of the car. In Canada, I'm used to doing ALL my own groceries, carrying them home (even heavy bins of cat litter!), and unpacking them myself. Here, when I try to do the same, people look at me like I'm an alien (which I guess I kind of am here! lol) A couple weeks ago I took a driver to the grocery store, and when I went to check out, the bag guy wouldn't even let me put the groceries on the belt myself! Now, when DH and I make our weekly purchases, I head over to the nearby Body Shop and peruse their new items, rather than stand there merely watching the guys do all the work!

Before you stop and interject--but you're giving into the culture of male superiority--or, you're a Canadian woman; don't you think you're equally capable??--stop and hear me out! First, I'm living in a different culture. Yes, it's Saudi Arabia, but let's set our pre (mis) conceptions aside and imagine for a minute that this is any other country. Ladies, in Canada (or anywhere, for that matter), aren't you flattered when a guy still has the courtesy to hold the door for you? When he lets you on the escalator before he jumps on? When he (your boyfriend or guy friend, not a stranger; that'd be odd!) offers to hold your bag / purse when you look at things in the shops? In the West, many of us see this as good manners, gentle-manliness and RESPECT! (Of course, some of you academics might argue that this plays into the culture of male superiority...but I, for one, appreciate these gestures when I'm at home).

Independent...but carrying a heavy load!

SO...A and I are in the car getting dropped to our respective homes. At this moment, I'm still frustrated with the "it's not proper for a lady to help with the groceries" situation, and am explaining this to her. She replies with this: my family is pretty liberal for a Saudi family. My dad spent a many years in the States, and my mom is American. Growing up, my dad used to let me help with the groceries, but my husband insists on doing this work himself. I ask, Aren't you insulted at not being treated as an equal, as someone capable of helping? A responds, Not really. My husband says "women are delicate flowers who we should treat tenderly and with respect," so when I see it that way, it's easier for me to sit and be pampered. Hmm, I thought, there's a point. Are women in the West treated this way? With respect, with gentleness? Here in Saudi Arabia, the idea is that a man should go out of his way to care for his wife, to pamper her, and not to insist she does any heavy lifting (both literally and figuratively). While of course, in some families this is mixed in with the idea that a wife is to be a "housewife" who looks after the kids, cooks, cleans, and does everything in the home, it seems to me that--at least among the more educated--this idea is quickly evolving.

Female retail workers
The rapidity of this social "change" became quickly apparent to me as soon as I arrived in Jeddah. Indeed, on our first trip to the grocery store not long after I landed, I was pleasantly surprised at the number of female grocery cashiers at the checkout. Maybe 1/3 of the cashiers at Danube (our store) are female. Moreover, it's now the law (as of last month) that ONLY women can be employed in lingerie shops. (Previous to this, women had to awkwardly purchase their intimate apparel from men! Yes, another of many paradoxes in this complex kingdom!)

Saudi female cashier

Women in universities
Since Saudi Arabia struck "gold" (oil) fairly recently in the 1970s, it is still a "developing nation." It's an inherently tribal nation, and it seems that the value (and availability) of higher education is a fairly recent phenomenon, too. This is particularly the case for women's education. Female colleges and universities continue to spring up, and I've had the chance to get to know some students at one in particular.

Educated Saudi women

Here, the female students are in their late teens and early twenties--typical college / university age back home. When I first met these students, I wasn't sure what to expect. What would be appropriate to discuss with them? Were "social issues" including divorce, poverty, obesity, alcoholism (yes, it does exist here despite the law forbidding alcohol), domestic violence, and women driving (it is, if you don't know, illegal here) up for discussion?

Saudi women studying

It turns out that when given the opportunity they had a lot--A LOT!--to say! Divorce, domestic violence, and women driving were hot topics. Divorce, for one, is legal here, and though it's Islamically discouraged, it is permissible. The girls pointed out that after a divorce, many women here face poverty, lack of social and financial support, and isolation. While for men there is no "stigma" against being a divorcee, for a woman in Saudi Arabia, it makes her "unmarriable" to many potential suitors. The majority of women still do not work, and so a divorced woman has little means of supporting herself and her children. On another note, the apparent pervasiveness of domestic violence in Saudi Arabia is, of course, is a hot topic among Westerners. I asked the girls whether it is really the issue "we" make it out to be. Is violence against women (in particular) as ubiquitous as we might be inclined to believe? One girl suggested, yes, probably 75% of families experience violence in the home. BUT the others soon convinced her that, yes, it happens, but NOT more than in other parts of the world. Maybe in 20% of homes, another suggested. The rest agreed this was a reasonable number.

Realistically, can we know how common such acts are? Even in Canada, I have no idea what the "real" number of cases of domestic violence might be. I'd guess that 20% is a LOW estimate. The difference, it seems, is how Canada deals with women who need social support (the government has established women's shelters, the welfare system, social services, etc) and how Saudi Arabia intervenes with women in similar situations. There seems to be very, very little "official" support for victims of family violence here. Although with our Western biases we might be quick to suppose this indicates that women are inferior, and that the government does not prioritize their welfare, it is also quite likely that this is the nature of a developing country. There ARE non-government organizations here, groups of kind-hearted volunteers who help widows, single mothers, and the poor.

Domestic violence: not just in Saudi

In the bigger picture, look at the very context of the discussion I've recorded above. There are the words of Arab women in a post-secondary classroom! They are being educated, many have work experience, and they are not all 18 year olds who have been "married off to old men" as the Western media likes to make the situation here sound. In reality, a couple girls might be married--by choice, just as many young Western girls are--but the majority plan to educate themselves and become career women. They are studying law, graphic and interior design, business, history, fashion, political science, and everything else women in the West have the opportunity to study.

Indeed, the Saudi King's Scholarship Fund is not limited to boys / men who want to study abroad. It's based on academic merit, and many of the girls I've met want to study in England, the States or Canada. And--brace yourself for the shock!--their government will provide them with the means for doing so.

The King's Scholarship Program

Conclusions...
Maybe women in Saudi Arabia don't have what we in the West would see as fully "equal" status as men. In many ways they have more than equality: they have real, genuine respect! Furthermore, in context, women here have opportunities, choices, and chances at creating their futures. Yes, social issues exist, but is there a place in the world that is free from violence and challenges? In a developing country such as this, it is only natural that the evolution of the education system, the workforce, and social systems will take time. I have seen with my own eyes the ways in which, alongside these changes, women's roles are also rapidly evolving. And I have no doubt that the future will only bring more evidence of this progression.

Until next time...enjoy some glimpses of Jeddah, chez moi!

By the Jeddah Corniche...King Fahd Fountain in the distance

The mall at prayer time.

Jeddah has everything we have at home...and more!

As you might imagine, ice cream is VERY popular in a hot climate like Saudi.

Gas...cheaper than WATER!
We can completely fill our SUV (70L) for about $12CDN here...pennies!!!

A decorative entrance to an apartment building.
I love the doors here! Everything is so ornate!

Corrections on Some Misconceptions!

Living it up in the desert

Yesterday marked the end of my first month in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. I don't know where the time has gone...As they say: time flies when you're having fun! I'm enjoying the sunshine and warm weather, exploring the city with my husband, checking out malls and outdoor art sculptures, cooking, and meeting new friends.

My first pink Jeddah sunset at the Red Sea!

A blue sky, a fancy car, palm trees, and sunshine! This is the life! 

This is perhaps a more exciting (read: less academic) post than my last, but I hope it will be equally informative on the culture of Saudi Arabia. You see, over the past two and a half weeks since I last posted, I've learned so much! This is mainly the result of my making friends (thanks to DH's friend K for introducing me to his friend's wife S...and to S, for introducing me to some of her friends!). Here, as everywhere, the best way to make friends when you're "new" is through people. 

Even before I arrived in Jeddah, DH's good friend from work, K, mentioned that his friend's wife S is also a teacher and invited me to contact her with any questions about the workplace here. We added one another on facebook, and when I arrived she was kind enough to give me a  phone call to welcome me to the city. She and her husband invited DH and I, along with the friend who introduced us, for tea. We went about two weeks ago, and they have a beautiful home, mashallah! Though they're not Saudi citizens both S and her husband N grew up in Saudi Arabia, so they have a lot of knowledge on the ins and outs of everything in this country. 

A typical Jeddah mosque.

S prepared a lovely spread of food, and after some lounging and conversation in the living room we all sat around the table to S's homemade pastries, sandwiches and mini muffins. We chatted and enjoyed the company a lot. It's nice to have another couple with whom we can spend time and, luckily, DH gets along with S's husband as much as S and I hit it off. 

Trying out the famous Al-Baik!

Later in the evening--after we "passed the tea test" (that way if we didn't all get along, they could send us home and no one would be suffering all evening long haha)--we were invited to stay for dinner. The guys went out to pick up some of Jeddah's FAMOUS Al-Baik for my official "cultural inauguration." Al-Baik is kind of like KFC, but MUCH more delicious, and, I'm sure much greasier. The spicy chicken, fries, garlic sauce, hummus and bread were worth the stomach ache! 

The famous Jeddawi Al-Baik!

Five times a day, all stores are legally required to close for salat (prayers) for about half an hour. On more than one occasion I've seen huge lineups of men waiting to get into Al-Baik following salat. The restaurant is just that popular...and for good reason! Here's a quick clip of a local Al-Baik reopening after prayer. I hope you find it as entertaining as I do!

People in this country are pretty passionate about their food and Arabs are known for their culture of hospitality. Though I have yet to be invited to a Saudi home, I can see how the culture--and people living here--are warm and welcoming. For instance, we were invited to dinner at DH's Syrian friend's place last evening, and his wife made a delicious meal, and served tea with mint leaves after dinner. Mmm! 

S also took me out to the Mall of Arabia last week and she, being such a gracious hostess, took me to dinner at a lovely Lebanese restaurant. She made sure there was more than enough delicious food, and exemplifies a warm and welcoming host in this wonderful city.

Cultural clarifications...

When S and I were out shopping in the HUGE Mall of Arabia (Canadians: think 5 Eaton Centers big; it's the largest mall in KSA with over 300 stores, plus lots of restaurants and an amusement park), she mentioned she'd read my last blog entry and that she wanted to clear something up about the culture. I was excited to hear this, since I'm always eager to learn more about this country and how things are done here. Whenever I present my observations, I'm a little nervous that I'm getting it wrong, so I'm VERY happy when someone steps up and clarifies things for me! I'm here to live and to learn! 

Laughing in the Mall of Arabia :)**

Since S grew up in Saudi Arabia, I take her advice and knowledge seriously. So imagine my surprise when she said that DH isn't always on the ball with his ideas about how things are here (sorry, my love)! In all seriousness though, how could he possibly be expected to know about social norms for women in Saudi Arabia when he's been here for two and a half years on his own as a single man. (I blogged here http://pinkjeddahsunset.blogspot.com/2011/11/wife-ultimate-saudi-accessory.html about restrictions single men face in this country.) It's a completely segregated society, and he's had little (if any) chance to really interact with women. His workplace is all men, and restaurants and public places have two sections: "family" and "single men." So, I'm learning that nothing is as simple as it seems. 

Back to the story now... So, if you recall my last post about my "inappropriate" laugh in the medical center waiting room (see the "Discovering spaces of equality" section in this post: http://pinkjeddahsunset.blogspot.com/2012/01/cultural-lessons-modesty-speech-and.html), that's what I'm about to address. So we're out shopping and S says that she read my blog. She hopes I don't mind her saying, but DH is wrong about some things. In reality, she continues, it's completely fine and acceptable for a woman to laugh aloud in public. Of course women shouldn't be going out of their way to interact with unrelated men, but they can still speak and laugh ! So there you go...no more ridiculousness (yes, I can call it that now that I know it's not true LOL)

Laughing away

Another point I've received clarification on: when we're in the grocery store, I was initially saying "thank you" to the guy who would bag our purchases. DH mentioned that's not really culturally appropriate here, so I stopped, feeling like a snob. The other day when I was would with S and a couple of her friends, one of whom is Saudi, I found out that it's not wrong to thank someone in this context; rather, I just have to avoid being overly friendly. It's acceptable to say a small "thanks" without smiling or looking "interested" if that makes sense. 

"Ahmad, How's your sister?"

There are, of course, social expectations about behaviour and how women and men should speak in one another's presence. The most evident example I've seen so far comes from DH. Last week, he was busy creating an exam for his work with the university English department. He submitted the completed exam and instructions to his director. One question read something along the lines of the following (the red is his director's comment):

Circle the correct form of the subject:
(3) "Ahmad, how is your brothers / sister?" Socially inappropriate; change. 

You see, in Saudi Arabia, men ask about one another's "families" by asking how their brothers, fathers, nephews, uncles are, NOT how their mothers, sisters, nieces, aunts are. Asking about a friend's sister would be socially inappropriate because it might be interpreted as an attempt to show romantic interest in a woman...and in Islamic culture, there is no "officially" sanctioned way of dating.

the Red Sea at sunset

Until next time...

I could continue writing, but DH is about to get home and I'm going to make sure his lunch is ready! He went to Mecca early this morning for Umrah (a pilgrimage that takes place outside of Hajj season) and I'm sure he's starving by now!

As always, feel free to post comments, questions, or observations below. I'd love to hear if there are any topics you'd like me to write about! 

One of many outdoor art pieces along the Jeddah Corniche.

**Photo credit: Susie of Arabia

Since one needs to be discreet taking photos in public places here, it can be difficult to capture everything I write about and see that I want to share here! Accordingly, I'll from time to time need to borrow photos from other sources....

Cultural Lessons: Modesty, Speech, and Values

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty...And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms..." Quran 24:30, 31 http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/w_islam/veil.htm 

Adapting to Saudi Culture

I knew that in coming to Saudi Arabia I would have to adapt to many cultural differences. Not only do I clearly stand out because I am a white Westerner, but I stand out because I am a woman. In Canada—even in multicultural Toronto, where, as my friend pointed out she and I, as white women, are minorities every time we step onto the TTC (Toronto's transit system)—I blend comfortably into the crowd of multicultural faces and bodies; here in Saudi Arabia, however, I stand out. Yes, there is multiculturalism in the cosmopolitan city of Jeddah. But, I'm learning, cultural behaviours, actions and dress are highly influenced by where you are (or live) in the city!

Trips to some Malls!

For instance, last week, DH and I went to the other side of town to Rawdah District where I met up with a friend on Christmas Eve. On our way home, we stopped at a mall to run some errands, and there I was shocked to see women walking around without their heads covered, abayas slung casually over their shoulders not buttoned up, and nonchalantly walking around almost as though they were back home. 

Alandalus Mall, Jeddah

Compare this to a typical trip to our local Alandalus Mall. There, it's rare to see anything more than a woman's eyes. Women wear their abayas properly (i.e. buttoned up), cover their heads, and wear niqab (face cover--see photo below). Some women don’t even show their eyes, opting to instead wear a thin veil over their entire face! DH tells me—and it's not difficult to see—that we live in a very "Saudi" neighbourhood, literally among the locals. Women in Al Naseem District are outwardly conservative in their dress, and do as the above passage instructs: they "guard their modesty" and do not put their bodies on display.

Saudi women shopping

Where do I fit in?

I find myself, a white Canadian woman, in the midst a bit of an identity crisis. How am I supposed to dress? Act? Express myself when out in public? In the busy, multicultural Rawdah District, I'd feel more than comfortable to leave my hair uncovered, and speak up for myself, and walk with my head held high. In my neighbourhood, though, I feel as though I should be more guarded. Not because I'm afraid, but because I'm trying to be attuned to what would be most respectful to the locals. Though a resident of Saudi Arabia, I am, after all, a visitor.

At times, though, remaining constantly respectful is difficult! I'm used to speaking up for myself, having a voice, and making sure I'm heard. Not in an aggressive way, but just in a way that demonstrates I'm equal, I'm here, I'm heard. I'm not a militant feminist by any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe women are—and should be!—equal to their male counterparts. 

I struggle to find the ways in which this society allows women the equality I have set out to explore. Saudi Arabia, in the western media, is notorious for "mistreating" women, and subjugating them as "second class citizens." Although I sometimes struggle to see female equality in the culture, I am not convinced that it's nonexistent. I'm determined to see past my personal struggle, cultural adjustments and challenges, and to find the ways in which Saudi / Arab women, or women who are living, as myself, as residents in this country, are independent, assertive, and strong social forces.

Discovering spaces of equality

I have two experiences I'd like to share that relate to expressions of female identity and voice in Saudi Arabia. I'll start with my first "outing" in Jeddah. The morning after I arrived and was finally able to sleep a few hours after my long journey, DH took me to the university medical clinic for my medical tests I needed for my residency card, or "iqama." I put on my abaya, covered my hair, and got into the car. Once we arrived at the clinic, I followed DH in, and was surprised that nothing inside was segregated! I was expecting separate family / singles entrances, waiting areas, and line ups. Okay, I thought, I'll just follow DH's lead here. He checked me in at the female counter (check-in, at least, seemed to be separate), and they sent us to a doctor down the hall. He filled out a requisition for some blood tests, and pointed us toward a waiting area. There, we got a number, and went to sit down. On our way to the seating, DH said something funny and I laughed aloud. A couple of men in thobes and gutras (the traditional Saudi dress for men) stared at me. DH whispered, "women don't laugh loudly in public." "Are you serious??" So, some experiential knowledge of the culture I definitely didn't read about! (And trust me, I've done tons or reading over the past 2.5 years that DH has been here). 

Waiting room

We then sat down quietly. I was, at this point, a bit unsure about how I was supposed to be acting in this non-segregated waiting area and started to cry (wondering whether it is acceptable for women to cry in public)! DH was kind and comforted me during my first small bout of culture shock. Other women were sitting with their husbands, and no one seemed to be talking or doing much else than staring at the numbers on the screen waiting for their turn for blood work. We might attribute this either to the culture (of female silence in public?) or simply the fact that we were in a medical center and people are generally a bit more subdued in such an environment, even in Canada.

On second thought, maybe in Canada we shouldn’t laugh loudly in a medical center anyways. Think of the poor person waiting to be tested for thyroid disease, or some kind of frightening, life-changing ailment.

Beyond the silence…Under the abaya

It wouldn’t be fair if I left you with only the negative image of me crying in the university medical center waiting room feeling silenced by the culture. As promised, I will now share a second scenario where I met and spoke with a young Saudi Arabian woman during my 8 hour stopover in Abu Dhabi.

When I disembarked from my long 12 hour flight from Toronto at the Abu Dhabi airport, my first stop was the washroom. There’s nothing like a real washroom after being on an airplane for so long! I’d decided in advance that it would be a good idea for me to don my abaya upon landing. DH wasn’t sure how I’d find it waiting alone in the UAE for such a long time and I figured it would be best to draw as little attention to myself as possible.

Abu Dhabi Airport

I was standing at the washroom mirror fixing my makeup and hair when a woman walked in in her niqab (face covering) and abaya. She proceeded to also freshen up, and changed into a black Saudi abaya. I figured there was a good chance she was also headed to Jeddah. I smiled at her and she said hello. I asked her if she just got off the flight from Toronto and she said yes, her husband is studying in Canada and she’s been in Waterloo with him for about 6 months now. They were on their way back home to Riyadh (the capital of Saudi Arabia) for winter break. As we spoke, she skillfully wrapped her hijab and niqab and I thought I might ask her for some help with my own scarf. I am seriously troubled at making mine look good and stay on. It either stays on and looks terrible, or looks good for about 10 minutes and then slides off my head!

She was kind enough to help me out, and we spoke a little bit more before exchanging numbers and heading our separate ways. This might sound a little bit silly to those of you who live (have lived) in Saudi, but for me, this was my first time speaking to a "real" Saudi woman. Outside in public, local women might seem unapproachable, guarded, and silent, but among other women it seems that things are the same here.

Freshening up...

For instance, my building is usually pretty quiet, and it was an entire week before I even saw another woman in the hallway. When a man other than my husband enters the apartment, it's custom (read: properly befitting a woman) to stay in the background and not be seen. Especially since in a woman's own home she's "uncovered" (not wearing her abaya!) The other day the satellite guy came to do the installation, and I was stuck in the back part of our apartment for a couple of hours. Interestingly, even the apartments are constructed in such a way that the "family" area is in the back, and the "guest" area (washroom and sitting room / living room) are in the front right near the entrance. Reminds me of Rensissance English homes: the woman is always in the most "protected" space inside, far from the eyes of prying male strangers, never near the windows. 

That said, imagine my surprise the other day when I heard women laughing loudly from down the hall. Lots and lots of women laughing, making celebratory noises and carrying on. Ends up there was a wedding or bachelorette party of sorts, and the women were gathered together. So, my lesson: in public, be quiet and look away from strange unrelated men. In private, be loud, noisy and carry on as usual in Canada. Well...kind of! 

Tentative conclusions…

Ultimately, I think my meeting with the lovely Saudi woman I discussed earlier, coupled with my own experiences I’ve described above, merit some interesting analysis. Women are to act one way when in public—especially in relation to the opposite sex—but in private, I don’t know that North American and Saudi cultures are all that different.

Here, the family is the bedrock of society. All it takes is a short drive through any area of Jeddah to realize that this culture is centered around the family, its comfort, its enjoyment, and preservation. The relative silence or quietness of women in public, I might safely conclude, is connected to the preservation of the family. Going back to my opening passage, both women and men are, in the Quran, called to “lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” Indeed, I am surprised at how respectful men are in this part of the world. Yes, people stare at me because I’m clearly not a local, but there are no cat calls, no rude or suggestive gestures, and not once has a man attempted to make direct eye contact with me.

Family picnics and fun along Jeddah Corniche

Sure, there are stories about Saudi men in Canada the western world running after white women and trying to deceive them, but when in Rome… So far, my experience in Jeddah has been at times challenging, but more than anything, it’s been enlightening. Cultural barriers are breaking down, and I’m seeing that there are many, many things that the west might learn from a culture that embraces life, family, and faith.