Back to the Desert!

Goodbye Toronto...Hello London!

Good morning, my lovely readers! It's been some time since I posted and I thought I should pop in and say a little something before DH and I head back to the desert. It's been a wonderfully glorious summer in Toronto. I've caught up with friends and family; I've laughed, I've cried, and I've come out on top... ready to tackle another year in Saudi Arabia!

One of my favourite things about Toronto is the beautiful waterfront. I've enjoyed afternoon walks along the Woodbine Beach boardwalk, dipping my feet in the warm water, and soaking up the sunshine on my skin. There are stunning nature trails and paved pathways along Lake Ontario, and I've thoroughly enjoyed checking out new pathways and sights every day.

Here are some of my favourite photos from the Beaches:

Waves crashing up on the shore: Lake Ontario

The boardwalk at Woodbine Beach <3

I didn't surf, but it looked like lots of fun!

One of the "recreation trails" I explored. 

I got up to the family cottage only once...and, go figure, it was on a rainy day! But I took advantage of the time by catching up on some leisurely (!!) reading (yes, the leisurely part is shocking after all my time in grad school!), and having a great visit with my mom and dad. The last morning up north the rain stopped, and my dad and I were lucky to enjoy a canoe ride like old times. It's so peaceful on the water.

Off We Go...

I've spent the last week or so feeling a mixture of emotions: sad to leave Toronto, family, and friends, but excited for all the good things this year will bring. For those of you who know me well, I really don't enjoy change. I'm actually terrified of it. And somehow I ended up on this crazy, life-changing adventure! As challenging and crazy as life can be abroad, I don't regret my time in KSA for a second.

In anticipation of my return to Jeddah, I've decided to make a list of all the things I'm eagerly anticipating about this coming year abroad. So, without further ado...

My Top 10 List for 2012-2013

1. Our 2 day stopover in London, England

I've never been to England, and DH had a stopover there years ago and didn't get to see much. We've both been talking about taking a trip to London, and I wasn't sure it would happen. Then his university booked our flights back and gave us a 24 hour stopover in London! Needless to say, we're both pretty excited! I wonder if the Olympic rings will still be hanging from London Bridge...

London Bridge

2. Returning to Jeddah...WITH DH!!!

This is something that brings me a particularly noteworthy thrill: I already have my Saudi residency, and I'm not going to be sitting around waiting for an indefinite amount of time waiting for a visa (like my 75 day wait last fall). Yay! My husband and I, after so many months and years apart in the past, finally have a predictable future: together!!!

Back to Jeddah!

3. Going back to Work!

Another thing that I'm definitely not taking for granted is having a stable job, given the Canadian / US / European (heck, most of the world's) economic situation. To top it off, not only am I so blessed with a job, but I love, love, love my colleagues and where I work. I'm excited to return with all the energy, vigor, and passion in me!

Work!

4.  Unending Summer!

A big part of what's making returning to Jeddah easier is the progressively cooler weather Toronto hands us each day. DH and I have taken to having our morning coffee on the balcony and it's actually becoming almost too cold to sit out. If I wanted to stay in Toronto, it wouldn't be the same as the glorious summer we've just enjoyed anyways. So, off to Jeddah's sunshine and pleasant winter weather.

Al Hamra, Jeddah...in the winter!!!

5. Walking

I love to walk. I will walk for hours just taking in the scenery, people, breathing in the beautiful air... I do love Canadian falls. The air is so crisp, it's breezy, and it feels like a new beginning (I guess this part is usually associated with spring, but given that September marks the start of the academic year, it's always been a beginning for me!)

When I first moved to Jeddah, I anticipated not being able to walk outside. Why? First, it can get SO hot. Second, wearing an abaya, I wasn't the most graceful at first, and I didn't think a brisk walk would be ideal given that I'd probably trip. So the first item on my "to do" list when I moved there was to purchase a treadmill.

Okay, so in this photo walking looks quite glorified...I just don't have a photo of the "other" walking area I described lol I guess I could walk here, too, though. :)

Since living there for 7 months, however, I've realized that people DO walk outside. In fact, some men even run! DH and I found this "walking area" (sidewalks are, by the way, a bit of a novelty) on our way home from work. People walk briskly, jog, run, or even stroll along. Some people are out at noon (which, quite frankly, I don't know how it's possible when it's so hot!) but the busiest time is the evening and night time once it cools down a bit. I have yet to join the walking crowd out there, but this is something I'm looking forward to giving a try. It will beat staring at the wall while on my treadmill at home. Let's just see if I can handle the heat!

6. Sunshine

In Toronto, I love the summer. I love the fall. But I'm not a huge fan of the winter and early spring. I find it hard to keep motivated and positive when the days are so short and the sunshine isn't too prevalent. In Jeddah, we have sunshine all year round!!! This is definitely something I'm looking forward to as family and friends prepare for another Canadian winter!

Sunshine

7. Weekends!

I've been a student most of my life... No, ALL of my life, and something else I love is having weekends. Granted, many weekends I bring marking home, but there's a greater sense of freedom in having at least an entire day off! No worrying about upcoming proposals, papers, exams, seminars or readings. Just some leisurely marking, and time. Time to read. Time to work out. Time to cook. Time (and some money!) to go shopping...

And the topic of weekends leads me to #8:

8. Trips!

In Saudi, we're close to a lot of often unexplored (or unfrequented by most traveling westerners) cities and countries. Within Saudi itself there is lots to explore. A difficult country for which to get a visa, DH and I hope to explore more of KSA before we leave. Makkah, Taif, and maybe Riyadh are among some cities we hope to see.

Travel!

Living in Saudi Arabia also brings the advantage that we're closer to lots of other travel spots that, from Canada, are a long, tiring journey. The United Arab Emirates (UAE) -- I want to visit a friend in Dubai on Hajj break, inshallah -- Kuwait where a good friend and her husband are living and working (I went last March and hope to go again this year), and Jordan. Everyone raves about the historic sights and natural beauty there. Unfortunately, I doubt we'll be able to see all these places, but I'm excited to see where the coming year will lead us!

9. Makkah!

Makkah (or Mecca) is Islam's holiest city, the birthplace of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), and the home of the Kaaba (see photo below). DH and I took an overnight trip to Makkah before the summer and it was such an amazing experience. Only a 45 minute drive from Jeddah, we'll inshallah take monthly weekend getaways and stay in Makkah, relax, and pray.

The Kaaba in Makkah

10. Lifestyle

In Saudi Arabia, although I, as a woman, am not permitted to drive, the lifestyle is much more laid back. I work a lot, but it's possible to take time out to relax, unwind and enjoy a good quality of life. Food in Jeddah is cheap, gas is even cheaper, shopping is amazing, and I have some wonderful friends who I can't wait to see when I return in a few days (British "S" and Saudi / American "A" you know who you are!!)

This is some Indian food we had in TO; however, in Jeddah, you would pay a fraction of what we paid for this ($35), and get this (takeout) for probably $5.

Off I Go...
DH and I fly out of Toronto tonight, and can't wait for our time in London. Then, it's off to Jeddah where I have no doubt that it's going to be an amazing year. I can't wait to share my stories and experiences with you all...here on Pink Jeddah Sunset.

Salam alaikum...and see you all soon!

Cultural Lessons: Modesty, Speech, and Values

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty...And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms..." Quran 24:30, 31 http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/w_islam/veil.htm 

Adapting to Saudi Culture

I knew that in coming to Saudi Arabia I would have to adapt to many cultural differences. Not only do I clearly stand out because I am a white Westerner, but I stand out because I am a woman. In Canada—even in multicultural Toronto, where, as my friend pointed out she and I, as white women, are minorities every time we step onto the TTC (Toronto's transit system)—I blend comfortably into the crowd of multicultural faces and bodies; here in Saudi Arabia, however, I stand out. Yes, there is multiculturalism in the cosmopolitan city of Jeddah. But, I'm learning, cultural behaviours, actions and dress are highly influenced by where you are (or live) in the city!

Trips to some Malls!

For instance, last week, DH and I went to the other side of town to Rawdah District where I met up with a friend on Christmas Eve. On our way home, we stopped at a mall to run some errands, and there I was shocked to see women walking around without their heads covered, abayas slung casually over their shoulders not buttoned up, and nonchalantly walking around almost as though they were back home. 

Alandalus Mall, Jeddah

Compare this to a typical trip to our local Alandalus Mall. There, it's rare to see anything more than a woman's eyes. Women wear their abayas properly (i.e. buttoned up), cover their heads, and wear niqab (face cover--see photo below). Some women don’t even show their eyes, opting to instead wear a thin veil over their entire face! DH tells me—and it's not difficult to see—that we live in a very "Saudi" neighbourhood, literally among the locals. Women in Al Naseem District are outwardly conservative in their dress, and do as the above passage instructs: they "guard their modesty" and do not put their bodies on display.

Saudi women shopping

Where do I fit in?

I find myself, a white Canadian woman, in the midst a bit of an identity crisis. How am I supposed to dress? Act? Express myself when out in public? In the busy, multicultural Rawdah District, I'd feel more than comfortable to leave my hair uncovered, and speak up for myself, and walk with my head held high. In my neighbourhood, though, I feel as though I should be more guarded. Not because I'm afraid, but because I'm trying to be attuned to what would be most respectful to the locals. Though a resident of Saudi Arabia, I am, after all, a visitor.

At times, though, remaining constantly respectful is difficult! I'm used to speaking up for myself, having a voice, and making sure I'm heard. Not in an aggressive way, but just in a way that demonstrates I'm equal, I'm here, I'm heard. I'm not a militant feminist by any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe women are—and should be!—equal to their male counterparts. 

I struggle to find the ways in which this society allows women the equality I have set out to explore. Saudi Arabia, in the western media, is notorious for "mistreating" women, and subjugating them as "second class citizens." Although I sometimes struggle to see female equality in the culture, I am not convinced that it's nonexistent. I'm determined to see past my personal struggle, cultural adjustments and challenges, and to find the ways in which Saudi / Arab women, or women who are living, as myself, as residents in this country, are independent, assertive, and strong social forces.

Discovering spaces of equality

I have two experiences I'd like to share that relate to expressions of female identity and voice in Saudi Arabia. I'll start with my first "outing" in Jeddah. The morning after I arrived and was finally able to sleep a few hours after my long journey, DH took me to the university medical clinic for my medical tests I needed for my residency card, or "iqama." I put on my abaya, covered my hair, and got into the car. Once we arrived at the clinic, I followed DH in, and was surprised that nothing inside was segregated! I was expecting separate family / singles entrances, waiting areas, and line ups. Okay, I thought, I'll just follow DH's lead here. He checked me in at the female counter (check-in, at least, seemed to be separate), and they sent us to a doctor down the hall. He filled out a requisition for some blood tests, and pointed us toward a waiting area. There, we got a number, and went to sit down. On our way to the seating, DH said something funny and I laughed aloud. A couple of men in thobes and gutras (the traditional Saudi dress for men) stared at me. DH whispered, "women don't laugh loudly in public." "Are you serious??" So, some experiential knowledge of the culture I definitely didn't read about! (And trust me, I've done tons or reading over the past 2.5 years that DH has been here). 

Waiting room

We then sat down quietly. I was, at this point, a bit unsure about how I was supposed to be acting in this non-segregated waiting area and started to cry (wondering whether it is acceptable for women to cry in public)! DH was kind and comforted me during my first small bout of culture shock. Other women were sitting with their husbands, and no one seemed to be talking or doing much else than staring at the numbers on the screen waiting for their turn for blood work. We might attribute this either to the culture (of female silence in public?) or simply the fact that we were in a medical center and people are generally a bit more subdued in such an environment, even in Canada.

On second thought, maybe in Canada we shouldn’t laugh loudly in a medical center anyways. Think of the poor person waiting to be tested for thyroid disease, or some kind of frightening, life-changing ailment.

Beyond the silence…Under the abaya

It wouldn’t be fair if I left you with only the negative image of me crying in the university medical center waiting room feeling silenced by the culture. As promised, I will now share a second scenario where I met and spoke with a young Saudi Arabian woman during my 8 hour stopover in Abu Dhabi.

When I disembarked from my long 12 hour flight from Toronto at the Abu Dhabi airport, my first stop was the washroom. There’s nothing like a real washroom after being on an airplane for so long! I’d decided in advance that it would be a good idea for me to don my abaya upon landing. DH wasn’t sure how I’d find it waiting alone in the UAE for such a long time and I figured it would be best to draw as little attention to myself as possible.

Abu Dhabi Airport

I was standing at the washroom mirror fixing my makeup and hair when a woman walked in in her niqab (face covering) and abaya. She proceeded to also freshen up, and changed into a black Saudi abaya. I figured there was a good chance she was also headed to Jeddah. I smiled at her and she said hello. I asked her if she just got off the flight from Toronto and she said yes, her husband is studying in Canada and she’s been in Waterloo with him for about 6 months now. They were on their way back home to Riyadh (the capital of Saudi Arabia) for winter break. As we spoke, she skillfully wrapped her hijab and niqab and I thought I might ask her for some help with my own scarf. I am seriously troubled at making mine look good and stay on. It either stays on and looks terrible, or looks good for about 10 minutes and then slides off my head!

She was kind enough to help me out, and we spoke a little bit more before exchanging numbers and heading our separate ways. This might sound a little bit silly to those of you who live (have lived) in Saudi, but for me, this was my first time speaking to a "real" Saudi woman. Outside in public, local women might seem unapproachable, guarded, and silent, but among other women it seems that things are the same here.

Freshening up...

For instance, my building is usually pretty quiet, and it was an entire week before I even saw another woman in the hallway. When a man other than my husband enters the apartment, it's custom (read: properly befitting a woman) to stay in the background and not be seen. Especially since in a woman's own home she's "uncovered" (not wearing her abaya!) The other day the satellite guy came to do the installation, and I was stuck in the back part of our apartment for a couple of hours. Interestingly, even the apartments are constructed in such a way that the "family" area is in the back, and the "guest" area (washroom and sitting room / living room) are in the front right near the entrance. Reminds me of Rensissance English homes: the woman is always in the most "protected" space inside, far from the eyes of prying male strangers, never near the windows. 

That said, imagine my surprise the other day when I heard women laughing loudly from down the hall. Lots and lots of women laughing, making celebratory noises and carrying on. Ends up there was a wedding or bachelorette party of sorts, and the women were gathered together. So, my lesson: in public, be quiet and look away from strange unrelated men. In private, be loud, noisy and carry on as usual in Canada. Well...kind of! 

Tentative conclusions…

Ultimately, I think my meeting with the lovely Saudi woman I discussed earlier, coupled with my own experiences I’ve described above, merit some interesting analysis. Women are to act one way when in public—especially in relation to the opposite sex—but in private, I don’t know that North American and Saudi cultures are all that different.

Here, the family is the bedrock of society. All it takes is a short drive through any area of Jeddah to realize that this culture is centered around the family, its comfort, its enjoyment, and preservation. The relative silence or quietness of women in public, I might safely conclude, is connected to the preservation of the family. Going back to my opening passage, both women and men are, in the Quran, called to “lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” Indeed, I am surprised at how respectful men are in this part of the world. Yes, people stare at me because I’m clearly not a local, but there are no cat calls, no rude or suggestive gestures, and not once has a man attempted to make direct eye contact with me.

Family picnics and fun along Jeddah Corniche

Sure, there are stories about Saudi men in Canada the western world running after white women and trying to deceive them, but when in Rome… So far, my experience in Jeddah has been at times challenging, but more than anything, it’s been enlightening. Cultural barriers are breaking down, and I’m seeing that there are many, many things that the west might learn from a culture that embraces life, family, and faith.

"A Wife: The Ultimate Saudi Accessory"

One of my favourite pastimes is reading blogs of others who have been or are in Saudi Arabia. Bloggers provide insightful and interesting commentary about life in the Kingdom that travel guides really don't address. Some blogs are serious, most are critical, and others are downright hilarious!


I recently came across "An Englishman in Saudi Arabia" who spent some time in KSA in 2006 and 2007. He moved to Riyadh (the Saudi capital) and 2 months later his wife's paperwork came through and she joined him there. (Sound familiar?! DH and I are going on two months this week with our wait).


I've been told that my arrival in KSA will bring DH some benefits. Here's a fun blog entry on that topic by "An Englishman in Saudi." He provides a humourous and enlightening take on the Kingdom's family-centered culture.

A Wife: The Ultimate Saudi Accessory

I had to spend two months alone in Riyadh before my wife was able to join me here. I was a lot happier (and less lonely) when she finally arrived. One thing about Saudi then became immediately apparent. It is far better to be a married man in KSA than it is to be a single one.What with immigration, customs and the Saudi queue (maul) I was expecting hassle and delays when my wife and I arrived together at King Khalid International Airport.

When we got to immigration it was packed. Things did not look good. But I didn’t fully appreciate the impact of my new power-accessory. Thanks to having a female on my arm, we waltzed through the very small “Families Only” queue, leaving an army of single men waiting in long lines.When we got to customs the queues were long and they were opening and searching all bags. It did not look good. But thanks to my WIFE 1000™ we were ushered to a separate area, our bags were only X-rayed (not opened), and we were swiftly on our way.

Of course, the same can be said about any restaurant, take away or coffee shop in the city, and (seemingly) any police check point on the roads. When you are married you also get to sit in the family section in restaurants which usually means that you get your own private room / area to eat in.

In KSA, married people have a higher status and singles suffer for it. But the lack of respect for family in the UK has meant high divorce rates and large numbers of children growing up in single-parent families. I wonder which attitude towards the family really causes the most suffering.

Sadly for him, DH has indeed experienced the limitations of not being able to go into the shopping malls so freely as he will be when we go together (the idea is that "single" men will harass poor, unsuspecting female shoppers).

Women shopping in peace. Shiny, fancy Saudi malls!

We women have priority when it comes to shopping securely and safely in KSA!

A sign from a mall in Riyadh where there is a "ladies only" floor in the Kingdom Mall!

In any case, I think we can safely bet that DH will be thrilled to shop freely with his WIFE 1000 lol Really, I jest. Poor DH. Now he will have no excuse to avoid the malls!

My favourite comment on the above blog is from a reader who turns the "oppressed female / advantaged male" dichotomy on its head. He points out all the things men can't have access to unless accompanied by their "female guardian":

DemonEyes said...
you lucky guy youuuuu :D

well as a saudi single:

1- no shopping malls (the only entertainment in this city)(or the japanese resturants in shopping malls) unless you have a female guardian

2-no theme parks without a female guardian

3-no parks without a female guardian

4-no jumping the queue in the supermarket without a female guardian

5-married men get raises alot faster....and i never heard of a single guy being the boss of a married guy.

6-you get treated as a sexually breserked beast by the society and your opinion is worth nothing to married people unless you are married.

just to mention a few :)

Some lucky men in the mall with their "female guardians."

As for us, DH and I have been married for just over 100 days, of which we've spent about 40 together. I am prepared to be an obliging "female guardian" and open DH up to all these new possibilities that he's been unable to experience during his 2 years in Jeddah. I'm also super excited to move into our new apartment in a few weeks, and to embark on married life together in a new and exciting culture! Power to married people!

Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal and his wife Princess Amira al-Taweel. The Will & Kate of Saudi Arabia?!

* * * * * * *

NB: I should mention that one of my readers, another Canadian who has been waiting for his visa to be processed, just informed me he received it exactly 45 days following his application. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this means November 18th will be my lucky day!! Hopefully I will be able to fly out on November 21st and arrive in Jeddah on our 4 "monthiversary."