Back in the sunshine (with lots of reading in tow)...
I can’t believe that four whole months have passed by since
I was last in Jeddah. Since my visit in December, I returned to Toronto,
finished all my PhD coursework (generally working 12 hours a day and
temporarily nearly blinding my poor, exhausted eyes in the process—that’s what
I get to taking two Victorian Literature classes among others in one term!),
and started studying for my comprehensive exams which take place at the end of
the summer. I’ll accordingly be spending my summer reading literally #allthebooks(a favourite hashtag on Instagram and
Facebook these days!). My exams are in two parts: from the Old English Beowulf to the end of the Renaissance
period (1660), and then from the Restoration (referring to the restoration of King
Charles II to the English throne after the English Civil War) to the present
time.
Compreshensive Exams #readALLthebooks!
That’s a whole lot of reading (and a lot of books to lug in my weight-restricted luggage back to Saudi!), but now that I’m over my jet
lag and knee deep in it, it’s bringing back nice childhood memories. I remember how, every summer, my parents used to try to get me outside of my bedroom at the cottage, but I’d refuse, perfectly content to remain snuggled up in bed all day with a
good book—or, really, an entire series of books, because, really, one book is
never enough!
Starting with the Old English Beowulf
Now that I’m an adult, I seem to have made a career of
reading and academia, and, for those who know me well—especially my parents who
now see that there indeed IS a
purpose to my staying indoors reading, reading, reading—it is not surprising!
Jeddah: Home Sweet Home
I’m now back in Jeddah for two months. I arrived on May 2nd,
and will stay until the end of June, which is great, because it was a longggg
four months without DH, though we both made excellent productive use of our
time apart with our intensive studies! It’s taken some adjustment being back
here and getting used to having someone other than Oreo, my dear feline friend, around, but
it’s a nice change of pace to have DH come home from work at the end of the day
and keep me company. I also finally have a reason to cook! Living alone, it’s
hard to justify spending time slaving away at the stove, especially with my hectic school schedule, but having him with me
gives me an incentive to tap into my culinary creativity!
My usual company: Oreo and his Sheep friend!
Finally signs of spring in Toronto (April 2014)
An Afternoon by the Red Sea
Today, the end of my second weekend back in Jeddah, DH had
to go into work in the afternoon while I got in some study time. Once he got home,
we decided to head out to the Red Sea for a nice walk along the Corniche. Of
course it felt like 40 degrees Celsius outside, but I’m so very happy to be back in the HEAT, and rather enjoyed basking in
the sun (well, I suppose “basking” is a bit of a figurative description since I
didn’t show any skin—I even covered my face because so many people were staring
at this white western girl walking quickly along…with niqab, I blend in a bit
more!), but you get the idea! NO MORE WINTER!!!! It was a long and horrible
Toronto winter, and the frigid weather was probably the most difficult adjustments since my move
back from Saudi, but I survived.
We walked along the beautiful pathways alongside the Red Sea, pictured here:
Middle Corniche, Al Hamra, Jeddah
Corniche Walkway, Jeddah
...And then took a water / hydration break on some benches in
the shade before heading over to Sushi Yoshi for some delicious sushi for
dinner! Yum! We had a nice view of the King Fahd Fountain from the restaurant,
and enjoyed the time out.
Sushi Yoshi!
Overall, it’s wonderful being back in Jeddah, and it really
feels like I never left. Home is where the heart is, and mine is most
definitely here!
PS: Readers, if you have anything you'd like me to blog about, or any questions about Saudi / Jeddah, leave a comment below and I'll happily indulge you in my next post inshallah! :)
Toronto: It's Really Home (almost)
I can't believe I've been moved into my place in Toronto for a month now! Yesterday was September first, and after two years out of school, I'm thrilled to be returning to student life for a PhD at the University of Toronto! Once DH is back here with me--inshallah in a year or so--it will REALLY feel like home again :)
West-facing view from my balcony.
My sister came and visited for most of last week, and we had a fun last week of summer shopping, going to the movies, Starbucks dates, baking, and enjoying the *hot* weather. Yep--Toronto feels HOT to me rather than cold like when I first moved back in the middle of a July heatwave! I guess my body has adapted to the weather here. Let's just see what fall and winter do to me though!
Cineplex Movies!
Starbucks love!
Welcome to the Department of English!
Last week, I had my first official meeting with the Associate Director of my department for course advising. I am really excited at the great selection of courses being offered in my field--early modern and restoration drama--and can't wait to hit the books!
U of T: Varsity Stadium
I spent a couple of weeks fine tuning my funding applications for next year's competition (U of T's graduate students must apply annually for prestigious external awards; these look excellent on a CV, and don't hurt the bank, either!). I am pretty content with my dissertation proposal--for now! I'm always coming up with new twists and turns on my project, and it's an exciting thing to see my ideas evolve over the years (I worked on a more condensed version of my proposed PhD dissertation during my master's degree in 2010).
Freedom!!!
I've been really and truly enjoying the freedom that comes with living in Canada, and so close to the subway / public transit. In fact, my building is literally ten steps from a subway station, and it's super easy to get around. I can walk to 98% of the places I need to go, and if I want to get anywhere really fast, transit is at my doorstep.
There's also SO much to do here, especially during the summer. I went with a friend to see The Taming of the Shrew in High Park a couple of weeks ago, and the Canadian National Exhibition was on throughout the past couple of weeks, too, culminating in this weekend's airshow with the Snowbirds--from my balcony, I could see the beautiful planes flying in perfect formation! (photo below)
The Snowbirds at the 2013 CNE!
Shakespeare in High Park
More Shakespeare: The Taming of the Shrew
TTC Subway: Clean and Convenient!
As much as I often tried to "argue" that Saudi Arabia wasn't necessarily limiting--especially for women--Toronto is a completely different world! As a woman, I wasn't permitted drive in Saudi Arabia, and that was a BIG deal. If a woman can't drive in Toronto, it barely has any implications--there are many, many reliable and fast options from the subway, buses, streetcars, commuter trains, etc, etc. In Saudi, though--or at least in Jeddah--there is no transit system to speak of (sure, there are random buses that take male workers from their construction sites to their lodging, but not anything a WOMAN can rely on!), and this is particularly constraining for the country's female population.
Where I lived and worked, I was constantly surrounded by a juxtaposition of people: girls and women from Jeddah / Saudi Arabia's wealthiest families who had their own BMWs (many girls did!), with drivers to boot...and, on the other hand, extreme poverty at every stoplight with women (often carrying babies) begging for money. While not every student had the luxury of her own driver, probably close to 75% of the girls in my university had their own drivers. By contrast, the Saudi / Arab women in my neighbourhood often relied on their sons, husbands and brothers to take them around. Others--whose husbands permitted it--took taxis...which, yes, I ventured out to do myself a number of times, but is not the most comfortable or pampering experience! Toronto's subways are a MUCH cleaner and fresher, not to mention more convenient, experience than a Jeddah cab!!!
Sunset in Jeddah
All of this said, I am looking forward to my trip to Jeddah in December. Of course I can't wait to see DH, but I'm also interested to see how I'll react to the very different world after having been immersed back in Toronto for, by then, six months!
Reverse Culture Shock?
When I was at U of T last week, I stopped in to say hello to the director of my graduate program, Dr. "M". I'd spoken to her over the phone a few times with questions about funding, courses, and the program when I was still in Jeddah, and she was interested to see how I've been settling back in here. I hadn't thought much about "reverse culture shock," but I suppose I've experienced--and am still going through--a bit of it.
Don't forget your abaya!!
Most notably, I often feel "naked" leaving my house without my abaya! Two years of wearing one and a head scarf definitely make covering almost second nature! When my sister was visiting, we went to Toni and Guy for haircuts. In Saudi, hair salons are, of course, segregated, so when you enter, there's an attendant who takes your abaya and gives you a number before she helps you into the salon coat. Needless to say, upon leaving Toni and Guy the other day, I was a bit kerfuffled when I paid, and then started looking around for my abaya! I felt I was missing something important without my covering! I quickly realized that, yes, my sweater and pants were all that I'd entered the salon wearing, and I wasn't missing anything (apart from an umbrella!) upon leaving.
I mentioned to Dr. "M" that surprisingly the most intense culture shock I've experienced was when I went to Kuwait in March 2012 to visit a friend. As soon as I stepped out of the airport, I was completely taken aback by all the WOMEN driving by!!! I suppose that since Kuwait is only an hour and a half flight from Jeddah that I hadn't braced myself for ANY difference. But Kuwait and Saudi are most definitely different (as someone told me before I decided to move to Saudi, warning me that I couldn't visit Kuwait and assume Saudi would be the same...or even similar).
When I arrived with my friend to her apartment, I was even more taken aback when, upon entering the elevator, she struck up conversation with a male neighbour! I literally (silently) panicked, wondering what would come of such mixed-gendered communication--and in public to boot! Again, I suppose that since Kuwait is in such close proximity to Saudi, I hadn't been expecting that this more "Western" girl / guy communication would be tolerated there.
Elevator talk?
Men, men, men!
After two weeks in Toronto, I had an experience where I was suddenly hit with how far I'd been kept from the opposite sex all that time abroad (apart from DH, of course!). I worked with all women, socialized with only women, volunteered with women, taught women in the university all day, and covered and kept a distance from everyone else.
When my friend L's boyfriend texted me a couple of weeks ago, I was accordingly surprised. A guy texting me?? What was he up to? (In Saudi, if a GUY texts or calls a woman and it's not business related, something is DEFINITELY up. It could only end in TROUBLE!) Well, it ended up that L's boyfriend, who works for the University of Toronto, was calling with an awesome opportunity for me to be involved with the "Boundless" campaign. U of T has been running this movement to raise $2 billion for the university's expansion and better graduate and research funding. "J," I'll call him, was asking whether I'd be free to be interviewed on camera for the campaign. What a neat opportunity! I said yes, and gave him more information about my program and the university's generous funding, and his boss okay-ed my participation.
It was a great afternoon being filmed, and I felt like a celebrity in front of the camera, although afterwards, after only one hour of filming, I vowed that I never EVER want to be an actress! I have a new-found respect for the hard and tedious work that celebrity actors and actresses do all day filming. (NB: Another interesting thing? Feeling REALLY shy about taking pictures with PEOPLE in them! In Saudi, it's a big no-no if you don't want to offend people--especially women! So, my apologies for no "action" shots of the filming.)
The point of this story--which has kind of turned into a tangent--is that that afternoon, I was working with all men. It felt so incredibly odd! The cameraman was a guy, as were the directors, the lighting crew, the sound technician, and the others on set. I grew up with four brothers before my sister was born, and it kind of reminded me of that. But still, I couldn't escape the thought that in Saudi Arabia, this probably wouldn't fly! There, there would likely be women trained in most of these positions, setting the cameras and lighting up, etc, etc... Or else the women involved (definitely not just ONE woman alone with all these men!) would be covered in their abayas and hijabs. Again, I felt a bit naked wearing "only" my blazer and pants.
Boundless!
Settling Back In
Despite all these differences, I feel more or less settled back into my old life here in Toronto. My cat, Oreo, is now back with me; he stayed with my mom's aunt for a year. It's nice to have my little fur ball around again, especially in DH's absence.
Oreo--could you grab me that book, please?
I'm looking forward to orientation meetings this week, and to meeting my new PhD colleagues in my department. It should be a whirlwind week coming up, and before I know it, I'll be back to the usual work, work, work! Though this week has been nice and quiet--I definitely needed the down time after TWO big, stressful moves--from Saudi to my parents' and then the suburbs to Toronto--working hard is what I love, especially when it's academics!
Here's to a new beginning, which is what the wonderful autumn is all about!
PS: I just noticed that the blog now has over 10, 000 hits!!! THANK YOU to all my family, friends and loyal readers for your support for and interest in my adventures! :)
The University of Toronto: Convocation Hall & the CN Tower
Warm, lovely sunshine!
As you can see from a recent weather update (below), the temperature is really starting to heat up here in Jeddah! I can still vividly recall getting off the plane at King Abdulaziz International Airport and stepping onto the tarmac back in December. It was about 2am and the air was hot, humid and sticky--a big change from the winter I'd left back in Toronto, Canada! Turns out that that night at about 18 degrees celcius was nothing compared to the heat coming our way!
Summer is approaching!
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the heat, and summer is definitely one of my favourite seasons; however, it can be frustrating with all the lovely, beautiful sunshine and little chance to actually feel it on my skin!!! I used to love lying on the beach, or on the dock at our family cottage soaking up the sunshine. Here, it's sunny every single day (woo hoo!!!) but the downside is that, because every time I'm out I'm wearing an abaya covering nearly every inch of my skin, I'm whiter than I think I have EVER been!!!
Enjoying a patio by the Red Sea
Summer: a time for frozen yogurt!
In any case, I'm taking this with a positive attitude like Sheryl Crow says in "Soak up the Sun" (video below): "It's not having what you want / It's wanting what you've got." I think that's the most productive attitude for anyone who is living in a new country for the first time. It's been my philosophy while I get used to life in Jeddah and it's been working wonders!
TGI...W?
In Canada we used to say "TGIF" (Thank Goodness it's Friday), but here in Saudi Arabia, weekends here are Thursday and Friday (Friday is the Islamic holy day). Since it's the weekend, DH and I spent the afternoon running errands. He was kind enough to drive for an extra 20 or so minutes--in the direction of the sun--so that I could get some sunshine on my arms (I was a rebel and rolled up the arms of my abaya haha). SO AMAZING!!!
We have a break coming up at the end of March, and I'm hoping to get out up to Obhur (a resort town 45 minutes north of Jeddah) and soak up the sun for real on one of the private beaches :) There, there's no dress code (because the beaches are "private") so I could wear even a bikini if I felt so inclined.
A new weekend!
Getting to know the locals...
What's so far been most fascinating about my time here is all I've been learning from new friends, from experiences around the city, and from people I've met in my line of work. I've had the opportunity to get to know many young women, many of whom are either Saudi citizens, or were born and have grown up here. All are young Arab women, and it's been intriguing getting to know them, their stories, and their experiences of a country that most of us in the West truly know so little about.
Here are some "notables" I've picked up from various sources.
(1) Friends:
S introduced me to a couple of her friends, and they're both fun, intelligent women. One is British and married to a Saudi, and the other, A, is Saudi, with an American mother and Saudi father (here, the child always takes, without exception, the father's nationality. If a Saudi woman married an American, for instance, their children would not be Saudi). So "A" and I were being dropped home by S's driver one evening and started talking about grocery shopping here in Jeddah. I mentioned that it feels weird to me that when the grocery guy and DH are bagging the food, they look at me funny when I attempt to help. Same goes for unloading the groceries into the trunk of the car. In Canada, I'm used to doing ALL my own groceries, carrying them home (even heavy bins of cat litter!), and unpacking them myself. Here, when I try to do the same, people look at me like I'm an alien (which I guess I kind of am here! lol) A couple weeks ago I took a driver to the grocery store, and when I went to check out, the bag guy wouldn't even let me put the groceries on the belt myself! Now, when DH and I make our weekly purchases, I head over to the nearby Body Shop and peruse their new items, rather than stand there merely watching the guys do all the work!
Before you stop and interject--but you're giving into the culture of male superiority--or, you're a Canadian woman; don't you think you're equally capable??--stop and hear me out! First, I'm living in a different culture. Yes, it's Saudi Arabia, but let's set our pre (mis) conceptions aside and imagine for a minute that this is any other country. Ladies, in Canada (or anywhere, for that matter), aren't you flattered when a guy still has the courtesy to hold the door for you? When he lets you on the escalator before he jumps on? When he (your boyfriend or guy friend, not a stranger; that'd be odd!) offers to hold your bag / purse when you look at things in the shops? In the West, many of us see this as good manners, gentle-manliness and RESPECT! (Of course, some of you academics might argue that this plays into the culture of male superiority...but I, for one, appreciate these gestures when I'm at home).
Independent...but carrying a heavy load!
SO...A and I are in the car getting dropped to our respective homes. At this moment, I'm still frustrated with the "it's not proper for a lady to help with the groceries" situation, and am explaining this to her. She replies with this: my family is pretty liberal for a Saudi family. My dad spent a many years in the States, and my mom is American. Growing up, my dad used to let me help with the groceries, but my husband insists on doing this work himself. I ask, Aren't you insulted at not being treated as an equal, as someone capable of helping? A responds, Not really. My husband says "women are delicate flowers who we should treat tenderly and with respect," so when I see it that way, it's easier for me to sit and be pampered. Hmm, I thought, there's a point. Are women in the West treated this way? With respect, with gentleness? Here in Saudi Arabia, the idea is that a man should go out of his way to care for his wife, to pamper her, and not to insist she does any heavy lifting (both literally and figuratively). While of course, in some families this is mixed in with the idea that a wife is to be a "housewife" who looks after the kids, cooks, cleans, and does everything in the home, it seems to me that--at least among the more educated--this idea is quickly evolving.
Female retail workers
The rapidity of this social "change" became quickly apparent to me as soon as I arrived in Jeddah. Indeed, on our first trip to the grocery store not long after I landed, I was pleasantly surprised at the number of female grocery cashiers at the checkout. Maybe 1/3 of the cashiers at Danube (our store) are female. Moreover, it's now the law (as of last month) that ONLY women can be employed in lingerie shops. (Previous to this, women had to awkwardly purchase their intimate apparel from men! Yes, another of many paradoxes in this complex kingdom!)
Saudi female cashier
Women in universities
Since Saudi Arabia struck "gold" (oil) fairly recently in the 1970s, it is still a "developing nation." It's an inherently tribal nation, and it seems that the value (and availability) of higher education is a fairly recent phenomenon, too. This is particularly the case for women's education. Female colleges and universities continue to spring up, and I've had the chance to get to know some students at one in particular.
Educated Saudi women
Here, the female students are in their late teens and early twenties--typical college / university age back home. When I first met these students, I wasn't sure what to expect. What would be appropriate to discuss with them? Were "social issues" including divorce, poverty, obesity, alcoholism (yes, it does exist here despite the law forbidding alcohol), domestic violence, and women driving (it is, if you don't know, illegal here) up for discussion?
Saudi women studying
It turns out that when given the opportunity they had a lot--A LOT!--to say! Divorce, domestic violence, and women driving were hot topics. Divorce, for one, is legal here, and though it's Islamically discouraged, it is permissible. The girls pointed out that after a divorce, many women here face poverty, lack of social and financial support, and isolation. While for men there is no "stigma" against being a divorcee, for a woman in Saudi Arabia, it makes her "unmarriable" to many potential suitors. The majority of women still do not work, and so a divorced woman has little means of supporting herself and her children. On another note, the apparent pervasiveness of domestic violence in Saudi Arabia is, of course, is a hot topic among Westerners. I asked the girls whether it is really the issue "we" make it out to be. Is violence against women (in particular) as ubiquitous as we might be inclined to believe? One girl suggested, yes, probably 75% of families experience violence in the home. BUT the others soon convinced her that, yes, it happens, but NOT more than in other parts of the world. Maybe in 20% of homes, another suggested. The rest agreed this was a reasonable number.
Realistically, can we know how common such acts are? Even in Canada, I have no idea what the "real" number of cases of domestic violence might be. I'd guess that 20% is a LOW estimate. The difference, it seems, is how Canada deals with women who need social support (the government has established women's shelters, the welfare system, social services, etc) and how Saudi Arabia intervenes with women in similar situations. There seems to be very, very little "official" support for victims of family violence here. Although with our Western biases we might be quick to suppose this indicates that women are inferior, and that the government does not prioritize their welfare, it is also quite likely that this is the nature of a developing country. There ARE non-government organizations here, groups of kind-hearted volunteers who help widows, single mothers, and the poor.
Domestic violence: not just in Saudi
In the bigger picture, look at the very context of the discussion I've recorded above. There are the words of Arab women in a post-secondary classroom! They are being educated, many have work experience, and they are not all 18 year olds who have been "married off to old men" as the Western media likes to make the situation here sound. In reality, a couple girls might be married--by choice, just as many young Western girls are--but the majority plan to educate themselves and become career women. They are studying law, graphic and interior design, business, history, fashion, political science, and everything else women in the West have the opportunity to study.
Indeed, the Saudi King's Scholarship Fund is not limited to boys / men who want to study abroad. It's based on academic merit, and many of the girls I've met want to study in England, the States or Canada. And--brace yourself for the shock!--their government will provide them with the means for doing so.
The King's Scholarship Program
Conclusions...
Maybe women in Saudi Arabia don't have what we in the West would see as fully "equal" status as men. In many ways they have more than equality: they have real, genuine respect! Furthermore, in context, women here have opportunities, choices, and chances at creating their futures. Yes, social issues exist, but is there a place in the world that is free from violence and challenges? In a developing country such as this, it is only natural that the evolution of the education system, the workforce, and social systems will take time. I have seen with my own eyes the ways in which, alongside these changes, women's roles are also rapidly evolving. And I have no doubt that the future will only bring more evidence of this progression.
Until next time...enjoy some glimpses of Jeddah, chez moi!
By the Jeddah Corniche...King Fahd Fountain in the distance
The mall at prayer time.
Jeddah has everything we have at home...and more!
As you might imagine, ice cream is VERY popular in a hot climate like Saudi.
Gas...cheaper than WATER! We can completely fill our SUV (70L) for about $12CDN here...pennies!!!
A decorative entrance to an apartment building. I love the doors here! Everything is so ornate!
